“Catching the quiet cries for help before they turn into final goodbyes.”
Article by Damaris Aswa
Every day, someone you know is silently breaking inside and you may never notice until it’s too late. A smile covers the sadness. A joke masks the pain. The “I’m fine” is rehearsed, perfected, and hollow. We live in a world where pain is dressed in productivity, where depression is whispered in corners or drowned in online distractions. And by the time we recognize the signs, the silence has already settled too deeply. But what if we could catch it earlier? What if we could notice the dimming light in someone’s eyes before it goes out completely? What if we could sit with those we love and say: “I see you. And I’m here.”
This is more than an article. It’s a call to be human. It walks through the subtle, often ignored stages of depression; the slow unraveling of joy, identity, energy, and connection. It speaks to both the ones suffering and the ones standing beside them. And it reminds every reader of this truth:
You are needed. You are not alone. And life, even in its most fragile state, is still worth living.
Have you ever felt like you’re disappearing quietly, even from yourself? Maybe, maybe not.
~~.The Early Whispers of Depression.~~
Every day, somewhere in the world, a heart quietly breaks long before a suicide note is written, long before a final decision is made.
It begins with a whisper, a soft sadness that lingers longer than usual. A joy that doesn’t quite return. A sense of drowning in plain sight.
But what if we could recognize it before it breaks us?
What if we listened more, judged less, and stayed present for those in pain?
And if we listen closely, we will hear it.
If we act early enough, we can change the ending.
Because depression doesn’t start with a goodbye. It starts with invisible cracks in the soul. It often starts subtly, in the little things we overlook. And unless we see them, unless we respond with love, understanding, and hope, those cracks deepen until they become chasms too wide to cross.
Today, suicide is no longer a rare tragedy. It’s a rising epidemic, even among our children.
A failed exam, a broken relationship, endless job rejections, social media comparisons, loneliness, hunger, family conflict; the reasons vary, but the end result is heartbreakingly the same.
But it doesn’t have to be.
Today, let’s talk about the early signs of depression and anxiety.
Today, let’s become lifelines.
Not tomorrow.
Not when it’s too late.
So where do we start from? Probably understanding the early signs right?
~~.•Signs to Watch For•.~~
Depression and anxiety rarely announce themselves with fanfare and loud cries for help. They slip into daily life quietly, often unnoticed.
It comes in like persistent sadness or emptiness making not just a bad day but weeks where life feels colorless. Withdrawal from friends, family, or favorite activities knocks with no returning calls, making excuses, and choosing isolation. Changes in appetite or sleep patterns becomes new norm with sleeps turning to be too much or too little, eating excessively or losing appetite altogether. Loss of energy and motivation rings in with tasks that once felt easy now feel impossible. Even getting out of bed can seem overwhelming. Talking about feeling trapped, hopeless, or “better off dead” settles in and even if said jokingly, take it seriously. Always.
Now, you’re probably wondering how and what we can do. Well, here are some of the things we must learn to recognize before it’s too late:
1. The Invisible Withdrawal
• They start cancelling plans more often.
• Conversations become shorter, less engaging.
• Messages go unanswered for days not out of anger, but exhaustion.
• Smiles become fewer, or feel “forced.”
What to Do:
If you notice this in someone, don’t assume they’re “busy” or “moving on.” Gently reach out.
“Hey, I miss our conversations. Just checking in… how are you, really?”
Consistency matters more than pressure.
2. The Quiet Fatigue
• Always tired, even after resting.
• Normal tasks feel overwhelming.
• They complain of headaches, body pains, or “feeling sick” more often.
What to Do:
Encourage small wins. Celebrate even the tiniest wins without judgment.
“You got out of bed today, that’s powerful. I’m proud of you.”
3. The Silent Self-Criticism
• They say things like: “I’m not good enough,” “I always mess up,” “I’m tired,” “Maybe everyone would be better without me.”
• They minimize their achievements and exaggerate their mistakes.
What to Do:
Be their mirror of truth. Affirm their worth without arguing their feelings.
“You are not a burden. You are loved, even when you’re struggling.”
4. The Disappearing Joy
• They lose interest in hobbies they once loved.
• Music sounds dull. Books gather dust. Projects are abandoned halfway.
What to Do:
Gently invite them back into simple joys. Share experiences rather than command participation.
“I found this old playlist we loved, mind if we listen together?”
5. The Hidden Risk Behaviors
• Excessive drinking, reckless behavior, or sudden anger outbursts.
• They might joke about “being better off gone”, so pay attention.
Jokes about death are never “just jokes.”
What to Do:
Take every mention of death seriously. Don’t minimize it. Stay close.
If needed, seek immediate help from mental health professionals or hotlines.
~~.•Stages of Silent Suffering•.~~
It’s important to recognize the silent stages of depression and anxiety and find ways to address them early.
Because just like the ocean, depression moves in waves. Understanding these stages helps us recognize the urgency at each point:
Stage 1: Disconnection
Life starts to lose meaning. The person may seem distracted, detached, or joyless.
Stage 2: Internalization
Blame turns inward. “I’m not good enough. I’m broken. I’m alone.” And to the external world, “I’m okay”.
Stage 3: Drowning in Despair
The emotional pain becomes unbearable. It feels permanent and hopeless.
Stage 4: Suicidal Ideation
Thoughts of ending the pain arise. At this point, intervention is critical.
~~.•The Roots Beneath the Pain•.~~
Now, the Deeper Question is: Why Now?
When and where did the rain start beating us?
It’s not that pain didn’t exist before, right? Could it be that our coping mechanisms have been eroded?
Could it be a spiritual battle?
And sometimes, yes, spiritual battles are real too.
For those who believe, prayer, spiritual grounding, and faith communities remain powerful lifelines.
But beyond the spiritual, something else has been quietly happening too.
It’s not enough to notice the cracks, we must understand what causes them.
One way to map this hidden journey is through a Problem Tree Model which Mr. Billy Otolo (one of our I-Lead program facilitators) expertly describes during our I-Lead program sessions at Youth4 Integrity Building organization. It’s a simple yet powerful way of showing how silent battles like depression and anxiety grow deep roots in our lives, what core struggles they create, and how those struggles branch into devastating effects across families, communities, and futures.
Here’s what the silent progression looks like:
As you can see, depression and anxiety are not random storms.
They are fed by social disconnection. Stigma. Economic hardship. Loss of meaning. Family conflict.
Root causes (Roots):
1. Social Disconnection
• Technology replacing genuine human interaction.
• Cultural pressure to always “appear happy” and “successful.”
• Erosion of traditional community support systems.
2. Stigma Around Mental Health
• Shame and fear in expressing emotional struggles.
• Misconceptions: equating mental illness with weakness or failure.
• Lack of open conversations about mental health from childhood.
3. Lack of Early Awareness and Recognition
• Early symptoms (fatigue, withdrawal, sadness) ignored or misinterpreted.
• Friends, family, and institutions missing early warning signs.
4. Socioeconomic Pressures
• Unemployment, poverty, food insecurity, and lack of opportunities.
• Academic failures, job rejections, and broken relationships.
5. Spiritual Disconnection
• Loss of deeper spiritual grounding.
• Disconnection from meaning, purpose, and faith-based support.
6. Inadequate Access to Professional Mental Health Services
• Limited number of counselors, therapists, and support centers.
• Mental health support seen as expensive or inaccessible.
When these roots stay hidden and untreated, they feed the trunk: emotional disconnection, hopelessness, and overwhelming inner pain.
And the branches? They stretch outward, touching everything: broken relationships, lost dreams, addiction, violence, and, sometimes, heartbreaking final decisions.
Effects/Consequences(Branches):
1. Increased Mental Health Disorders
• Rise in cases of chronic depression, anxiety, PTSD.
2. Suicide and Self-Harm
• Rising suicide rates, including among youth.
3. Broken Relationships and Families
• Isolation leads to misunderstandings, estrangement, and broken families.
4. Reduced Productivity
• Loss of potential in workplaces, schools, and community initiatives.
5. Loss of Hope in Communities
• Societal numbness to pain (“Another suicide? Oh well.”)
• Growth of a culture of despair, cynicism, and emotional numbness.
6. Generational Trauma
• Unaddressed mental health issues passed down to younger generations.
~~.•Healing: Individual, Community, and Society•.~~
But here’s the good news: just as we can identify the roots, we can also heal them.
Root cause proposed solutions
Social Disconnection: Rebuild authentic community bonds. Promote real conversations over social media “likes.”
Mental Health Stigma: Normalize mental health conversations at schools, homes, churches, and workplaces. Celebrate vulnerability.
Lack of Early Awareness: Train people (teachers, leaders, peers) to recognize early warning signs. Promote mental health literacy.
Socioeconomic Pressures: Strengthen safety nets: scholarships, job training, food security programs. Advocate for mental health support as part of social welfare.
Spiritual Disconnection: Encourage holistic healing ie combine mental health support with spiritual support if aligned with personal values.
Inadequate Professional Help: Expand affordable and accessible counseling, online therapy, peer support networks. Increase mental health budgets and emergency hotlines.
Understanding this reminds us that healing isn’t only personal; it’s social, emotional, spiritual, and communal.
We are all part of the healing journey.
Because no one should have to face the storm alone.
Maybe we are taught we must always “be happy and strong”.
Forgetting that sadness is a natural, human experience.
Maybe it was when we stopped truly seeing each other. When technology replaced conversations. When success became more important than soul.
But we can return.
We can rebuild.
We can choose connection, hope, healing.
Because the truth is:
Every day is a new beginning.
Every breath is a second chance.
Every soul matters.
~~.•And If You Are The One Struggling•.~~
Read This Carefully, From My Heart to Yours.
You are not weak for feeling lost.
You are not broken for being tired of fighting.
You are human, navigating a world that sometimes feels unbearable.
So please understand this:
1. Your pain is real,and so is Hope
No feeling lasts forever. Darkness lies to you. It tells you there’s no way out but there is. Allow yourself to rest without guilt. Healing is not linear. It’s messy, slow but it’s possible. It’s sacred.
2. You deserve help, yes you do
You are not a burden. You are a human being with worth beyond measure. Reach out to a counselor, a friend, a hotline ie talk to someone. Silence can feel safe, but connection is healing. Saying “I need help” is not weakness; it is an act of unimaginable strength.
3. Please do name your feelings
Give your pain words. “I feel exhausted,” “I feel invisible,” “I feel scared.” Naming it lessens its hold.
4. Small steps matter
Maybe you can’t imagine the next five years. But can you imagine the next five minutes? Take life moment by moment. Focus on one thing at a time. When the mountain feels too big, just take the next small step.
5. You are not alone
Even when your mind says you are. Especially then. There are lifelines waiting for you. Please hold on.
6. Hold on to tomorrow
No matter how dark today feels, tomorrow carries new hope you cannot yet see.
Every day you wake up is a rebellion against despair.
Every breath is proof: You are stronger than the storm you are facing.
~~.•If You Are Around Someone Who is Struggling•.~~
1. Listen more than you speak. Sometimes words aren’t needed. Just your presence is a miracle.
2. Avoid rushing, taking things casual and judgments. Don’t rush to “fix.” Just be there. Be present. Listen with your heart.
3. Avoid empty platitudes. Statements like, “Just be positive” or “Others have it worse” can wound deeply.
4. Remind them that they matter. Over and over. Until they believe it too.
5. Stay consistent. Depression can convince someone they are unloved. Your steady presence shatters that lie.
6. Be patient. Healing has no timeline. Be a safe harbor without expecting fast results. Some days will be better than others. Keep showing up.
7. If possible, ask direct questions . Gently but clearly ask: “Are you thinking about hurting yourself?”
It’s okay. Talking about it does NOT plant the idea. It opens a door for help.
8. Stay connected. Call. Text. Visit. Don’t assume “they’ll reach out when they’re ready.” Depression isolates people. Be proactive.
9. Encourage professional help. Therapists, counselors, support groups; they’re crucial. Offer to walk the journey with them.
~~.•This is My Word to Communities and Society•.~~
If one person struggles, we all have a responsibility because we belong to each other. In the spirit of Ubuntu: I’m because you are!
We must stop shaming pain.
We must create spaces where saying “I’m not okay” is met with compassion, not condemnation. Where we do not shame the wounded. Where mental health is prioritized in schools, workplaces, churches, homes.
We must teach emotional resilience from childhood.
Let kids know it’s okay to cry. Okay to ask for help. Okay to not be perfect.
We must bring back authentic connection.
In a world of likes and followers, we must prioritize real relationships over curated perfection.
We must remind each other: LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL.
Even when it’s hard. Especially when it’s hard.
There are sunrises left to see. Music left to hear. Love left to feel. Purpose left to fulfill.
You are not a mistake.
You are not too broken.
You are not too late.
So,
If you are struggling today, hold on.
If someone you love is struggling, sit with them in their storm.
If you are part of a community, build bridges, not walls.
If you are reading this today and you are struggling hear me:
You are not broken beyond repair.
You are right on time.
You are loved.
You are needed.
You are not alone.
Please stay.
The world is better with you in it.
~~.•Need Help?•.~~
If you need help right now, please know support is just a call away:
• Youth for Integrity Building (Kilifi): +254 794 816 405
• Befrienders Kenya: +254 722 178 177
• Oasis Africa: +254 725 366 614
• Nivishe Foundation: +254 741 706 638
• CBT Kenya: +254 739 935 333 | +254 756 454 585
• Emergency Medicine Kenya Suicide Hotline: 0800 723 253
Because healing is possible.
Because hope is stronger than despair.
Because you still have beautiful chapters left to write.